Disclaimer – There will be no tiger blood shed, warlock army creations, or violent torpedo’s discussed in this blog entry. What I will discuss is why the seemingly idiotic get all the attention? Why is it, you the chapter leaders/members continue to deal with THAT member? Here are the three common mistakes chapters make and the reasons why we struggle with the Charlie Sheen member.
Mistake #1: We laugh with the Charlie Sheen member
When your respective Charlie Sheen member is around, the stories you hear are one of kind. Whether it’s the girl that talks about how wild she got over the weekend or the guy that got so drunk, he passed out with short shorts on with an Elmo hat attached to his head and fingernails painted a florescent color…the stories are priceless. Ultimately, the Charlie Sheen member “wins” people over with laughter.
The problem lies in the fact that these stories epitomize the Charlie Sheen motive. More laughter signals ole’ Charlie a right to tell more stories. Yet, knowing that the stories must live up to the hype, the stories must be more over the top than the previous stories. What then occurs are these incredibly stupid, obnoxious, and blatantly offensive stories that cross the line in more ways than one. This leads to the next mistake…
Mistake #2: We don’t confront the Charlie Sheen member
When the first story is told by the Charlie Sheen member, everyone laughs including you the leader. You figure, “wow, that is unreal” but you move on thinking that was a one-time deal. Yet, as the stories keep coming and the chapter members keep laughing, the leader is put in a difficult position. Do I confront Charlie Sheen and look like the fun police or do I let it go and consider it “no harm, no foul.”
Sadly, I’d say 98% of the time leaders in the situation above do the latter. What results is the Charlie Sheen member feeling like they now have control over the chapter and their actions have now been justified by your acknowledgement that it is ok.
What then occurs is the leader’s nightmare. In comes the FASTBALL. The Charlie Sheen member begins to recruit and attract new followers with his actions to his warlock army. The evil trolls that are now the warlock army now outnumber and out voice those chapter members that worked so hard to steer the chapter in the right direction. What results, is that the Charlie Sheen member and his army are now WINNING.
The leader watches as the chapter falls apart. The two words that play over and over in the leader’s head are “how” and “why?” The answer lies in the last mistake…
Mistake #3: We distort the reality of brother/sister vs. friendship with the Charlie Sheen member
The most difficult part about being a leader is holding your brothers and sisters accountable. The foundation of fraternities and sororities were built on the concept of friendship yet as a leader, you must become comfortable with the reality that there may be a time when you have to confront your friend.
To do this, the leader must understand that being a leader teaches and develops character. The leader holding a position of authority must accept the fact that their position raises their level of accountability. Most of all, the leader must be fully self-confident in their decision making. So what makes holding your friend, your brother/sister so difficult?
It’s not brain science, it is the simple fact that you have established a relationship with this person and for one to two years, you were on the same level. Chances are, you hung out with the Charlie Sheen member, you partied with the Charlie Sheen member, and you possibly had some good memories with the Charlie Sheen member.
Yet, you are the leader now. How do ensure that reality is not distorted and that you have a clear vision of what needs to be done when dealing with the Charlie Sheen member? It’s not always black and white but here are some tips…
Separate being a brother/sister vs. being a friend upfront
If you know your friends, your crew, your pledge class, your posse, or (insert group) tend to push the envelope and you are a newly elected officer, be upfront and make it clear that you have a new role now. Tell them that you are going to advance the organization and make the chapter great. While making a chapter great includes having fun socially, this also includes respecting one another and holding everyone accountable. True friends will listen to what you have to say and want to help you achieve your goals. They may goof off but will probably do it away from you due to the respect they have for you as a leader.
Acknowledge, educate, hold accountable
Should the Charlie Sheen member start to surface, it is important to do these 3 steps. First, acknowledge. Acknowledge that the actions of the warlock army are not condoned. Second, educate Charlie Sheen why it is not condoned. Explain the policies, explain the potential consequences, and explain how it affects you as an officer and leader. Finally, if the Charlie Sheen member continues to be an issue, hold him/her accountable! Send them to the Standards Board or Judicial Board. Make it clear that the Charlie Sheen actions are not WINNING. They are in fact LOSING. Then…
Remember why you were chosen to be the leader
Most likely, you took an oath when you accepted your position as a leader. You pledged to uphold your position to the best of your ability that is in the best interest of the organization you are a member of for the duration of your term. There will be times when you will be happy and liked. There will also be times when you are angry and despised. The Charlie Sheen members tend not to go quietly and accept their punishments. They tend to rally the troops and try to bring you down. It is then that you have to remember why you were chosen to be the leader. You were elected because you showed sound judgment. You were elected because you showed a sense of ambition towards making the chapter better. You were elected because your peers said, “hey, this guy/girl can make us better.”
The greatest leaders understand that they can’t please everybody but they do it with a sense of class and dignity. They are confident in their decision making and they keep the greater good in mind.
