Is it possible to be an effective leader and a close friend to those you lead? I think so. Yet, students today often have trouble in their organization separating their role as a leader and their role as a friend when it comes to the business of the organization. More often than not, this mistake seems harmless because the student has the best intention in mind. They want to be the best leader they can be but they also want to keep a close friendship. Yet, this inability to differentiate being a leader and being a friend during business is hurting our fraternal organizations. Why? It’s creating a false sense of accountability. Furthermore, it is breeding complacency and damaging more fraternal relationships than helping them.
For those that are struggling with this notion of being an effective leader versus wanting to be a friend first leader, understand the following:
A Leader: Confronts brothers/sisters who do not live up to the values of your organization.
A Friend: Makes excuses for brothers/sisters who do not live up to the values of your organization.
A Leader: Does not play favorites…for anyone.
A Friend: Creates a perception of favoritism. Even if that isn’t the intention, there will always be someone second guessing your motives.
A Leader: Understands that everyone is held to the same standard. Regardless of age or year they joined.
A Friend: Allows standards to be bent. This in turn allows your “friends” to get away with more.
A Leader: Has high expectations for each person in the organization.
A Friend: Has unrealistic expectations for those who they are closest to. An example such as, “a friend would never do that, or should do that, etc.”
A Leader: Accepts the responsibility of holding officers accountable; even if that means having to give constructive feedback, discipline them, or remove them from office.
A Friend: Avoids conflict, deflects constructive criticism, and at all costs, evades disciplining or removing of their friend.
A Leader: Is able to receive both positive and negative feedback and use it to become a better leader.
A Friend: Is unable to receive constructive criticism and are more likely to take it personally.
A Leader: Understands that their actions outside of the organization reflect not only on themselves but also the organization as a whole. Effective leaders set the example and are positive role models.
A Friend: Blurs the line of leading and being social. They want to lead but only when it’s convenient. They struggle with wanting to be everyone’s friend. What they fail to understand is this creates those “hypocrite” moments when they are trying to enforce a policy they may have just broken the night before.
It is important to understand these differences if you want to be an effective leader in your organization. I believe you can be an effective, well respected leader and still be a close friend to one of your peers. However, you must establish clear expectations and a clear understanding of when you are acting as their friend and when you are acting as their chapter president, NPHC president, etc.
