One Week, 23 Rituals and a Belief in Living Ritual Daily

In seven days, Inter/National organizations, campus institutions and students nationwide will participate in the first ever National Ritual Week. This has been a long time coming and I am very excited for this endeavor. I want to publicly commend Phi Mu Fraternity for leading the initiative to create National Ritual Week.

For those of you that know me, I am very passionate about the subject of ritual. I have made it a priority to educate others about ritual, provide resources about ritual and try to teach others how to view ritual not just as a ceremony, but as a way of life. In another effort to show how we unconsciously perform daily rituals, I will showcase 23 rituals you do every day without even thinking about it! I will then relate it to the fraternal world.

To begin, I am convinced that all of us perform 23 rituals every day without even thinking about it. I’m probably low balling that number but feel it’s important to identify those daily rituals. Check it out:

1. Alarm (Do you hit the snooze button once, twice, get right up?)

2. First thing you do when you get out of bed (Stretch, lay back down, take the dog out)

3. First thing you do before you get in the shower or how you get in the shower (turn water on first, jump right in, etc)

4. Your routine in the shower (shampoo first then conditioner? Head or bodywash first?)

5. How you get out of the shower (Grab a towel, air dry or other?)

6. Your breakfast routine (Make breakfast, grab something on the go or other)

7. Your routine leaving the house (Kiss the kids, grab the keys, make your bed, etc)

8. The first thing you do when you get in the car (check the mirror, fix the seat, or other)

9. The route you take when you go to class/work (do you ever deviate from the route you take?)

10. The music you listen to on your way to class/work (how many of you listen to the same station day in and day out?)

11. The spot you tend to park at work or the seat you tend to preference in class

12. Your walking route into work or class

13. The first thing you do when you get into your office

14. How you order the priorities on your computer screen (email first, Facebook log-in, Twitter?)

15. Your daily schedule

16. Your lunch tendencies

17. Your walk out of class/work

18. Your route home from class/work

19. The first thing you do when you get home (nap, pet the cats, hug the wife, etc.)

20. Your dinner tendencies

21. Your nightly routine (TV, workout, etc)

22. How you prepare for bed (brush your teeth first or get in your jammies first?)

23. The routine of what you do when you get into bed (fluff the pillow, untuck the sheets, set your alarm, or kiss the one you love)

I’d like to think that most of us unconsciously do these 23 things on a daily basis without even thinking about it. They have become such routine habits; we tend to get upset or possibly angry if any of these are altered just a little bit. Think about that for a moment, have you ever had your hot water go out on you before work or class? Has your car refused to start on your way to work? How do you feel when your daily schedule changes without your preparation? Students, how upset do you get when someone “steals” your seat in class? We are creatures of habit and when our natural behaviors are changed or tainted we aren’t the same. Sometimes we aren’t the same for a few minutes, sometimes for a few hours, sometimes a few weeks and sometimes for a few years.

The same is true for fraternities and sororities in two ways. First, we all have rituals that we went through to join our organization. Whether it was an open ritual or a closed ritual, it was the one ritual we were meant to experience; a ritual that had no deviations, no alterations, and no modifications. Similar to our daily rituals, our fraternal rituals were meant to be performed as they were intended. A modification to a National ritual takes away the very reason a ritual is special in the first place. The one bond you have with every brother and sister nationwide is your ritual and if you experience a vastly different ritual than another brother across the country, your ritual experience has been tainted. You have in essence, turned off the shower to find no towel. You have come to work only to find your parking spot taken. You have come home from work and sat down to watch your favorite TV show at 8pm only to find that the cable is out. Get the picture?

The other way our daily habits are similar to our ritual is that when we live our ritual daily, our lives and our organizations are better in every way. Put another way, if we can learn to live our values, which are expressed in our ritual on a consistent basis, we won’t ever hesitate to do the right thing. Our values and our ritual will guide our actions, our decisions, and our purpose. Furthermore, decisions made will be unconsciously, without hesitation because the ritual and the values of our organizations’ will have been engrained right from the start. Decisions that you thought were difficult will become easier. Challenges you face with accountability will decrease as the chapter learns to let the values and ritual of the organization dictate decision making. Most of all, the negative perceptions and stereotypes of fraternities and sororities will fade away because people will see the true identity of fraternal organizations. They won’t question what fraternity and sorority members are about because members will show it by their actions and what they do.

Is it difficult to live your ritual daily? Yes. Is it impossible? No. I truly believe that if chapters make the conscious effort to talk about and live their ritual more, they will become a better organization. Will there be hiccups along the way? You bet. Yet it’s those chapters that are willing to get back to the basics, get back to the foundation of why they exist that are the chapters that will endure the test of time.

I hope you will reflect on what I wrote and think about your daily rituals. As you do, think about ways you can start to live your organization’s ritual on a daily basis. The best part of it all is that regardless of your age, you can continue to become a better man or woman by way of your ritual. I’d encourage you to go to the following website for more resources that you can use to talk about ritual. Let me know how I can help!

http://www.phimu.org/nationalritualweek

Fraternal FourSquare: Checking-In With Your Brothers and Sisters

After a seven month hiatus from the social networking site FourSquare (last check-in was registered on July 5th) I decided to log-in and check out what was new with FourSquare. To my surprise, nothing had really changed. However by simply logging into FourSquare, it triggered a new blog entry regarding brotherhood and sisterhood that I hope you will take to heart.

To start, how often do we “check-in” with our brothers and sisters? I don’t mean the quick “hi” or the “hey girl” but a genuine check-in? It seems to me that sites such as FourSquare, Facebook, and Twitter have in some ways taken away the time we spend with our brothers and sisters. When was the last time you spent more than an hour with a sister that wasn’t required or mandatory? When was the last time you talked to a brother about his life without the TV on? Has your chapter ever held a “brothers or sisters only” dinner?

I ask these questions because I believe it’s the simple things that make the fraternity and sorority experience so special. It’s those nights when you watch the Bachelor or the Super Bowl all in one room. It’s the days when you hang out with your big brother/sister and talk about life, the chapter, and the opposite (or same) sex. It’s those moments when tears are shed, not of sadness but of happiness with your line brother or sister. Those moments are created by establishing close bonds of brother and sisterhood built on the foundation of “checking-in” with one another.

The heartbreaking reality is that we are losing fraternity men and sorority women because of this lack of “checking-in.” Did you know that suicide is the second (or third depending on your source) leading cause of death among college and university students? Did you know that suicide rates in the United States are highest in the spring? Did you know that there are four male suicides for every female suicide? There are three female suicide attempts for each male attempt.

I speak from tragic experience that you can never “check-in” enough. I lost a fraternity brother to suicide. This was a brother who had a smile that could light up a room. This was the brother who from afar had his life together and no apparent issues. This was a brother, who I personally recruited to lead the chapter. In the end however, he was a brother that decided to jump off a bridge on campus for reasons that to this day are unknown.

I will never know what caused my fraternity brother to take his life but what I do know is that you can never “check-in” enough with your brothers and sisters. I know I said that already but it’s true. Sometimes we forget that outside of the fraternal walls, people have things going on in their lives that are far deeper than we could have ever imagined. Some examples can include a recent breakup, a parental divorce, the recent passing of a family member, financial stress, body image issues, not living up to expectations and fear of rejection are just a few that come to mind.

We must be willing to learn about our brothers and sisters – both the good and the bad. That way, when signs of suicide such as feelings of being “trapped,” feelings of withdrawal, purposelessness, depression, or hopelessness arise, we are able to act as brothers and sisters.

My friends, you can make a difference. The conversations you have with your brother or sister tomorrow could save a life. Most of all, if you don’t feel comfortable having a conversation with a brother or sister in need, the greatest “check-in” you can have is at your local counseling center. Let trained professionals help your brother/sister in need. According to one site, 80% of people that seek treatment for depression are treated successfully.

In the end, don’t worry about risking a friendship if you truly feel a life is in danger. It is better to lose a relationship from violating friendship “confidentiality” than it is to go to a funeral. Most of all, remember that suicide is one of the most preventable causes of death. Let’s prevent more deaths from occurring in the Greek community. I hope you will “check-in” with a brother or sister tomorrow.