Working with Greek students’ day in and day out is a rewarding experience. As student affairs professionals, we are given the opportunity to challenge and support the students we work with daily in hopes that one day they will take what they have learned and put it to good use.
Well my undergraduate fraternal brothers, I have a new thought for you to reflect on…intimate brotherhood. Your first thought might be, “what is intimate brotherhood” and I’d respond with maybe a better question of, “where has intimate brotherhood gone?” Let me explain…
To put it simply, I think fraternity men have lost contact with what real, intimate brotherhood is. We have come to live in an un-intimate world where we struggle to open up to others because of what they may or may not think of us. Students, including fraternity men, have resorted to blogs and hidden journals to convey their innermost thoughts. Some of those thoughts include pain and sorrow, and even notions of self injury and suicide. So why have these outside methods of expression become fraternity students’ way of expressing themselves and not their own fraternity brothers?
To begin, I think fraternity men don’t know what true brotherhood means anymore. When a man joins a fraternity these days, he becomes part of an organization in which brotherhood means the following: holding the best party, sleeping with the hottest sorority women, and how much alcohol he can drink in one sitting. Thoughts of values, Ritual, and getting to know one another on an intimate level go to the wayside. Therefore, if a fraternity man even attempts to have a heart to heart with a brother, he becomes an outcast and starts to get described as a softy, gay, and a pussy. He is immediately labeled as weak and his masculinity is put in jeopardy. Thus, he resorts to blogs and journals to vent his frustration and prevent this type of negative judgment from occurring.
The second reason why I think fraternity men have lost sight of intimate brotherhood is because they are too caught up in their own world. Brothers don’t know one another even when they are in the same fraternity! I think part of this can be attributed to this notion of “our lives are more important than our friends’ lives.” We, as both professionals and students fall victim to this notion and it can really affect the brotherhood experience. What happens is that our lives become fixated on our problems, our successes, our school work, and our relationships and we forget about our friends and our brothers. We forget about their lives and their problems and we create this invisible barrier that takes away the ability to share with our brothers the intimate issues going on in our lives. Even when fraternity men are ready to open up to one another, they become cautious or hesitant to go first in expressing their intimate issues because of the potential ramifications of what they say or the level of intimacy shared.
The final reason I think fraternity men have lost sight of intimate brotherhood is women and alcohol. This is not to put blame on women or liquor for their existence but moreover their ability to divide a brotherhood. In regards to women, I’d say 9 out of 10 problems that occur within a fraternity brotherhood or between two fraternities is because of a woman. Think about it, one brother slept with another brother’s ex-girlfriend or one brother slept with another brother’s sister. Another example is when one brother has an interest in a woman and another brother swoops in to steal her. I guarantee these scenarios have happened in a fraternity.
As for alcohol, where do I start? Alcohol has become the way to measure brotherhood within a fraternity. If you can’t finish a twelve pack on your own, you aren’t a man; you are a disgrace according to fraternity men these days. Can’t do 21 shots on your 21st birthday? Then you better make up for it by sleeping with at least 5 different women, each in a different sorority.
Alcohol has become the driving force of what brotherhood stands for in fraternities today and it is sad. As professionals, we are seeing more alcohol related deaths than ever before. We are seeing higher BAC levels in collegiate students than ever in the past. Finally, we are seeing more alcohol related disturbances such as fights, injuries, and car accidents than I can ever remember. Plain and simple, students today don’t know how to manage their alcohol intake and fraternities are at the forefront of this evolution. Each weekend, in some fraternity house there are drinking games such as beer pong, flip cup, circle of death, bullshit, and asshole occurring and another fraternity man is pushing his life to the brink. Pushing his body to the upmost limit and if he is lucky, throwing it up in a toilet because his body finally had enough for the night.
I’m not asking for alcohol to be banned nor am I asking for students to stop drinking but I am demanding that fraternity men drink responsibly. I am asking that fraternity men stop buying alcohol for women. I am asking that for one weekend, can a fraternity do an event without alcohol that involves the whole brotherhood?
So after identifying three reasons why I think fraternities have lost their ability to have an intimate brotherhood, how about we reflect on the following questions…
If you are an undergraduate fraternity man, when was the last time you had a genuine, authentic conversation with a brother? When was the last time you cried in a brother’s arms? When was the last time you said, “no man, I don’t feel like drinking tonight because I just want to hang out and chill?”
So what now? Is intimate brotherhood possible? I think so…scratch that…I know so. I know this because I’ve seen it. What does it look like you may be asking? Intimate brotherhood is brothers going camping together with no alcohol. Intimate brotherhood is standing by your brother’s side as he watches his father fight prostate cancer. Intimate brotherhood is sitting together in a McDonalds reminiscing about a brother who just passed away. Intimate brotherhood is staying in on a Saturday night and studying for your test on Monday. Intimate brotherhood is sharing both your successes and failures with your brothers, even if that means tears are shed. Intimate brotherhood is accepting all walks of life into your fraternity (i.e. gay/straight, black/white, religious/not religious). Intimate brotherhood is remembering that no woman should get in the way of the organization. Intimate brotherhood is living the Ritual and not being ashamed to do so on a daily basis.
In the end, I think there is work to be done within our fraternal organizations. I think fraternity men need to realize it is okay to be vulnerable. It is okay to say no to drinking alcohol. It is okay to discuss your problems with your brothers. It is okay to be intimate. If more fraternities had intimate brotherhood, I think you’d see an amazing transformation within Greek communities where women wouldn’t be scared to go to fraternity houses and multiple fraternity chapters could hang out without fear of a fight. You’d see prospective men vying to be part of a fraternity and you’d see fraternity growth prosper at an alarming rate. Most of all, while you may not see it physically, I think you’d see your founders crack a smile knowing that the experience they left for you is in good hands.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Articulating Our Fraternal Arguments
Recently, I was sent the following link:
http://www.themaneater.com/stories/2009/2/16/put-down-your-beer-and-volunteer/
After reading this intriguing article, I couldn't help but chuckle. I wasn't chuckling at the fact of what was written per say (although I did like the Gamma Kung Fu name), I was more entertained on the thought of how sorority women would react.
Now before I begin this blog, I want to be clear; I believe in the fraternal movement. I believe in what fraternities and sororities stand for and their founding principles. I also believe that this blog's title, "Purpose Driven Reflection" should live up to its title. To drive a sense of reflection into the students and professionals who read this in a purposeful way. I can't promise that you will agree with what I write, but as long as you reflect on what is written, the blog will be fulfilling its purpose.
Back to the article at hand and why I laughed at the thought of how sorority women would react. Plain and simple, Greek men and women have lost their ability to articulate their purpose. I can say this because when articles such as this are written, Greeks lose sight of what has been written. Members become fixated on the negative and immediately proclaim, "this guy is an ass," "he doesn't understand," "screw him," and "lets write a counter statement detailing the facts...that will show him." This is just the Greeks reaction when something is written.
Had this writer confronted a Greek face to face with his points, I'd assume Greeks would react in one of the following ways.
a) Say "fuck you" and attempt to beat him up
b) Become defensive in an verbally aggressive manner...spouting off meaningless facts and notions.
c) Say, "you don't get it" or "you're just a GDI" and make dirty faces towards the writer.
If you are a Greek undergraduate member reading this, are you nodding your head right now saying, "yeah, we'd definitely do one of those three?" If so, I'd challenge you to read on. I will get back to those reactions in a little bit.
For now lets reflect on the key points the editor proclaims and what I think he is saying in a nutshell...
1. Cutesy moronic manner needs to go
- My summary...live your values. While the writer's approach may be a bit harsh, the main point he is trying to make is that if you preach sisterhood and values, how does getting drunk in your letters and posting those pictures on Facebook instill those values? In an odd way, he is attempting to protect you by proclaiming that if you don't drink, you may avoid sexual assaults, broken hearts, etc.
2. Your all about keg stands and beer pong tournaments
- My summary...practice what you preach. If your new member process is about the proper technique of keg stands and beer pong tournaments, then I hope you have a desire to be off-campus. However, if your new member education process is about the values and purpose of your organization...practice what you preach. If one of your values are service, then get out and do service. If one of your values is scholarship, pride yourself in doing well academically. Finally, if one of your values is friendship, then appreciate the time you have together in a respectful and desirable manner. The writer is simply asking you to hold yourself to a higher standard; not because he wants it but because you promised it when you took that oath to become a fraternity/sorority member.
3. You're idiots who don't know how to read
- My summary...speak intelligently and present yourself with class. If you don't like being labled a "gossip girl" or "cosmo queen" then make sure you are watching what you say and read in public. That doesn't mean you can't read a Cosmo magazine or watch Gossip Girl but don't justify this writer's thoughts by reading a Cosmo and then gossiping about what sister slept with what fraternity member in a public area such as Starbucks.
4. Your sluts who only talk about fraternity members private parts
- My summary...respect what you stand for both as an individual and as part of a larger organization. I love what the editor states in his summary. He is advocating for you to be a respected woman who other women would kill to be. How can you argue with what he is saying? If you say, ''well, I don't talk about fraternity members private parts or discuss the hottest boys" then I'd clap my hands for you but then I'd ask, but do you know one of your members that does? If you are being real with me, you'd list off 1-20 of your sisters that do make those comments.
This leads me back to the title of this blog, "articulating our fraternal arguments.'' As undergraduate fraternity members, we have lost the ability to debate with someone like this maneater writer. Here is why...
1. Instead of acknowledging what he stated and agreeing with some of his notions, we attempt to beat him up because our words are lost.
2. Instead of clarifying his statements in a polite and non-confrontational manner, we resort to aggressive tactics and meaningless statistics. When someone asks about fraternity/sorority statistics, Greek members resort to the ole' USA Presidents/CEO statistics. Who cares how many United States Presidents or CEO's are fraternity/sorority members? I mean really, how often do those individuals discuss their Greek experience within their position? Where did you even get those statistics? How valid are they? Until you can articulate the purpose behind those statistics...refrain from stating such worthless knowledge.
3. Instead of saying, "thanks for holding my organization and myself accountable." we resort to demeaning the person and calling them names such as dick and GDI. Why can't we acknowledge that we aren't perfect, that we have imperfect members, and that we have work to do? Is it so scary to admit that we as Greeks have weaknesses?
Ladies and gentlemen, we DO have work to do. Both as individuals and as professionals. We must learn to articulate our purpose and our rebuttal arguments. We must refrain from using meaningless facts and find a way to showcase our Ritual on a daily basis so that articles such as this maneater article become non-existent.
http://www.themaneater.com/stories/2009/2/16/put-down-your-beer-and-volunteer/
After reading this intriguing article, I couldn't help but chuckle. I wasn't chuckling at the fact of what was written per say (although I did like the Gamma Kung Fu name), I was more entertained on the thought of how sorority women would react.
Now before I begin this blog, I want to be clear; I believe in the fraternal movement. I believe in what fraternities and sororities stand for and their founding principles. I also believe that this blog's title, "Purpose Driven Reflection" should live up to its title. To drive a sense of reflection into the students and professionals who read this in a purposeful way. I can't promise that you will agree with what I write, but as long as you reflect on what is written, the blog will be fulfilling its purpose.
Back to the article at hand and why I laughed at the thought of how sorority women would react. Plain and simple, Greek men and women have lost their ability to articulate their purpose. I can say this because when articles such as this are written, Greeks lose sight of what has been written. Members become fixated on the negative and immediately proclaim, "this guy is an ass," "he doesn't understand," "screw him," and "lets write a counter statement detailing the facts...that will show him." This is just the Greeks reaction when something is written.
Had this writer confronted a Greek face to face with his points, I'd assume Greeks would react in one of the following ways.
a) Say "fuck you" and attempt to beat him up
b) Become defensive in an verbally aggressive manner...spouting off meaningless facts and notions.
c) Say, "you don't get it" or "you're just a GDI" and make dirty faces towards the writer.
If you are a Greek undergraduate member reading this, are you nodding your head right now saying, "yeah, we'd definitely do one of those three?" If so, I'd challenge you to read on. I will get back to those reactions in a little bit.
For now lets reflect on the key points the editor proclaims and what I think he is saying in a nutshell...
1. Cutesy moronic manner needs to go
- My summary...live your values. While the writer's approach may be a bit harsh, the main point he is trying to make is that if you preach sisterhood and values, how does getting drunk in your letters and posting those pictures on Facebook instill those values? In an odd way, he is attempting to protect you by proclaiming that if you don't drink, you may avoid sexual assaults, broken hearts, etc.
2. Your all about keg stands and beer pong tournaments
- My summary...practice what you preach. If your new member process is about the proper technique of keg stands and beer pong tournaments, then I hope you have a desire to be off-campus. However, if your new member education process is about the values and purpose of your organization...practice what you preach. If one of your values are service, then get out and do service. If one of your values is scholarship, pride yourself in doing well academically. Finally, if one of your values is friendship, then appreciate the time you have together in a respectful and desirable manner. The writer is simply asking you to hold yourself to a higher standard; not because he wants it but because you promised it when you took that oath to become a fraternity/sorority member.
3. You're idiots who don't know how to read
- My summary...speak intelligently and present yourself with class. If you don't like being labled a "gossip girl" or "cosmo queen" then make sure you are watching what you say and read in public. That doesn't mean you can't read a Cosmo magazine or watch Gossip Girl but don't justify this writer's thoughts by reading a Cosmo and then gossiping about what sister slept with what fraternity member in a public area such as Starbucks.
4. Your sluts who only talk about fraternity members private parts
- My summary...respect what you stand for both as an individual and as part of a larger organization. I love what the editor states in his summary. He is advocating for you to be a respected woman who other women would kill to be. How can you argue with what he is saying? If you say, ''well, I don't talk about fraternity members private parts or discuss the hottest boys" then I'd clap my hands for you but then I'd ask, but do you know one of your members that does? If you are being real with me, you'd list off 1-20 of your sisters that do make those comments.
This leads me back to the title of this blog, "articulating our fraternal arguments.'' As undergraduate fraternity members, we have lost the ability to debate with someone like this maneater writer. Here is why...
1. Instead of acknowledging what he stated and agreeing with some of his notions, we attempt to beat him up because our words are lost.
2. Instead of clarifying his statements in a polite and non-confrontational manner, we resort to aggressive tactics and meaningless statistics. When someone asks about fraternity/sorority statistics, Greek members resort to the ole' USA Presidents/CEO statistics. Who cares how many United States Presidents or CEO's are fraternity/sorority members? I mean really, how often do those individuals discuss their Greek experience within their position? Where did you even get those statistics? How valid are they? Until you can articulate the purpose behind those statistics...refrain from stating such worthless knowledge.
3. Instead of saying, "thanks for holding my organization and myself accountable." we resort to demeaning the person and calling them names such as dick and GDI. Why can't we acknowledge that we aren't perfect, that we have imperfect members, and that we have work to do? Is it so scary to admit that we as Greeks have weaknesses?
Ladies and gentlemen, we DO have work to do. Both as individuals and as professionals. We must learn to articulate our purpose and our rebuttal arguments. We must refrain from using meaningless facts and find a way to showcase our Ritual on a daily basis so that articles such as this maneater article become non-existent.
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