Goodbye Florida

Ever since I was little, Florida has always been a place I wanted to live. I loved the palm trees, the beaches and of course, the warm weather. As I grew older, I decided to make it a goal to live there by a certain age. I wasn't married, I had no kids and I just said to myself, "why not?" 

I was living in Missouri at the time working in higher education and on a whim, I decided to apply for a job in Orlando. Surprisingly, they called me back, I went through the interview process and before you know it, I was offered the job. After a lot of personal reflection and leaving a woman I loved, I was off to Orlando with my 2 cats. 

8 years later, it is time for me to say goodbye to Florida. For those reading this, I know what you're thinking - "Why would you leave Florida?" Trust me, I thought about this on many endless nights but at the end of the day, I'm a big believer in fate and to put it simply, I was meant to leave at this point in my life. With that said, my time in Florida taught me a lot of life lessons that I will forever be thankful for. I wanted to share some of those lessons and maybe help those who might find themselves at a similar intersection of their lives. Those lessons were...

Follow Your Heart
As cheesy as it sounds, Florida reinforced the notion to follow your heart...always. It was during my time in Florida when I decided to do a complete career change. Talk about a big decision! Yet, I couldn't have been happier with that decision and still am to this day. 

Death
Over the course of 8 years in Florida, I lost a few family members as well as other people that had touched my life in some way. In addition, in my time in higher education, I had to deal with multiple student deaths. I had to accept the fact that death is inevitable. Sometimes it happens when we least expect it and sometimes it happens as we'd expect. Regardless, I learned a lot about how I handle grief, how I can help others grieving and most of all, I learned to cherish time spent with those I love. 

Friendships
You learn a lot about friendships over the course of 8 years. New friends will be made. Old friends will fade away but most of all, your true friends will be there no matter what. Your ride or dies if you will. In my time in the Sunshine State, I'm happy to have gained new friends that I'll keep in touch with as well as really identifying my ride or die friends.

I also spent a lot of time reflecting on what kind of friend I am. Sometimes I thought I was a great friend. Other times, I thought I'd been a shitty friend. That in itself was a journey of self-reflection. It also taught me that it's ok to let old friends go. That's life. Most of all, I really started to embrace the "quality over quantity" notion when it comes to friendship and I couldn't be more grateful. 

Core Values
Florida challenged me in ways I'd never been challenged before. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and professionally to name a few. It was through these challenges that I really had to reflect on what my core values are and what will get me through these challenges. To be honest, I'm still processing what I want my core values to be because I think they evolve over time. Sure, I have my own moral compass and principles that serve as guardrails at times of uncertainty but as I've grown older, some of my values have shifted. I think that is ok and something I have embraced with open arms. 

Love
I never understood what people meant when they'd say, "you'll just know" when it came to loving someone. Frankly, I thought that was stupid. What did that even mean?!? Well, Florida taught me what that meant. I'm grateful for that and grateful for the lessons I learned in loving someone during my time in Florida.

Struggles
Florida opened up my eyes to the struggles a lot of my friends, family and colleagues have been having or are currently facing. I learned of friends facing depression, seeking counseling, family deaths, drug problems, alcoholism, etc. Yes, we all have problems but when people close to you open up about their struggles, it really hits home. It also challenges you to figure out how you can be there as a friend, a brother, a son or co-worker. 

Family
I went through some of the toughest times in my life in Florida and no matter what, I could always rely on my family being there for me. My dad has always said, "friends will come and go but family is forever" and that couldn't have been more true. 

In addition, I think as you get older, you gain more perspective. For me, that perspective was really cherishing my time with my family. At one point, I was over 1,400 miles away from family and with 3 nephews and 1 niece now, along with seeing my parents and 3 siblings, you just want to cherish that time together. Florida taught me more than ever that life is short. Make memories. Take risks and no matter what, love your family. 

Take Risks
The last lesson I'll share that Florida taught me to embrace was to take more risks. I have really embraced the "why not" mentality. Why not go on this trip? Why not apply for this job? Why not learn this new skill? I did things in Florida I never thought I'd do and it was amazing. Most of all, I think I've learned that we only have one life to live and I don't want to look back on my life and wonder why I didn't do something. Life is short people. Do what will make you happy. Do something crazy. Do something that you will look back on and it will make you smile. 


In closing, I spent almost a a quarter of my life in Florida and I have learned a lot about myself in that time. I will miss the palm trees, the beaches and the sun but it was time for me to go. Will I live there again some day? Maybe. But for now, I'm moving on and getting over while saying to myself, "why not?" 

The 5 Most Beautiful Places I've Traveled To

I've had the great fortune of traveling all over the United States in various jobs I've held. I've been to over 35 states now and have only two left that I want to visit - Alaska and Maine.

With winter right around the corner and people starting to think about holiday vacations, I thought I'd share the five most beautiful places I've visited. They are....

Lake Tahoe, California
If you've ever been to Tahoe, you'll understand it's tranquil beauty. If you haven't, I think it's one of those places that is so beautiful, it's hard to describe in words. The water is crystal clear. The beaches are wonderful. The skiing is some of the best from what I hear. The wildlife is abundant and the views are incredible. The pic above was taken at sunset. If you go...

• Place to Stay - Tahoe Beach Retreat & Lodge
• Place to Eat - Red Hut Waffle Shop 
• Place to See - Emerald Bay 

Lanikai, O'ahu Hawaii
I've been to many beaches in my life and really didn't think a beach would be able to "wow" me until I visited Lanikai. Located in Hawaii on the island of O'ahu (aka Honolulu), this beach is breathtaking. Often ranked one of the best in the world, the water is that aqua blue color that you don't think could be real until you see it in person. The beach is pristine. The sand is fluffy and the weather is perfect. A must-see if you make to Hawaii. If you go...

• Trail to Hike - Pillbox 
• Place to Eat - Buzz's Original Steakhouse

Big Sur, California
Looking for a place to bask in the beauty of nature? Big Sur the place for you. Located about 3.5 hours south of San Francisco, Big Sur is everything I love about California. Seaside cliffs. Winding roads. Epic views of the coastline. You could spend hours stopping at various places in and around Big Sur or spend the day at one place. Either way, you can't go wrong here. If you go...

• Places to See - McWay Falls (pictured above), Pfeiffer Beach, Sand Dollar Beach
• Place to Eat - Nepenthe (views are incredible)
• Things to Know - You will NOT get cell phone service. There are NOT a lot of places to eat. Mile markings can be a little difficult to see, especially for Sand Dollar Beach
• Place to Stay - Post Ranch Inn (if you have thousands of dollars)

Carmel-by-the Sea, California
I have to thank a previous client for telling me about this place or I would have never gone. Thank god she did. Carmel-by-the-Sea is one of those places I don't know how you cannot love. Parents would love it. Kids would love it. Couples would love it and single travelers would love it. It's a small beach city with adorable cottages, shops and restaurants. I will definitely visit here again. If you go...

• Place to See - The beach, especially at sunset (pictured above)
• Place to Eat - You MUST go to Cassanova  

Miami, Florida
Having lived in Miami for 3.5 years, I can honestly say that Miami is a beautiful place to visit. To live there is another story but to visit, you really can't go wrong. First, you have the beaches. Sure you can go to South Beach but there are so many others to see, you can't go wrong. Second, the diversity. Miami is the most diverse city I've been to and lived in. Talk about all walks of life in one place! Whites, Blacks, Mexicans, Cubans, Colombians, Venezuelans - you name it, Miami has it. Next, the nightlife. Miami is known for its nightlife. You want clubs, Miami has clubs. You want dive bars, Miami has dive bars. You want everything in between, Miami has it. Did I mention restaurants? Miami has some of the best restaurants in the country. Any type of cuisine, Miami has it. Lastly, Miami has the most beautiful people I've ever seen. Yes...ever. If you are looking for eye candy, you'll find it in Miami. So, if you go...

• Place to Eat - Sazon Cuban Cuisine in North Miami Beach
• Bar to Visit - Foxhole (if you can find it)
• Places to Stay - Fontainebleau on the beach or EAST Miami if you want some city feel
• Things to Know - Miami is expensive, especially on South Beach. Dress to impress if you plan to have a night out. Keep your eye out, you never know what celebrity you could see! 

Just for fun, if I had #6 and #7 I would have picked Ka'anapali Beach in Maui, Hawaii and Sutro Baths in San Francisco. You can't go wrong with either of those spots.

I'm sure this list will change as I continue to visit new places both in the U.S. as well as when I venture out of country but for now, those are the top 5 most beautiful places I've been to.

Sometimes.

·      Sometimes the comfort of your bed is all that matters

·      Sometimes you want to order two large pizzas…for yourself

·      Sometimes you feel fat…and that’s ok

·      Sometimes you want to discuss politics, sometimes you don’t

·      Sometimes you question life and its purpose

·      Sometimes you wonder, will I ever find love?

·      Sometimes you really don’t give a fuck…and enjoy it

·      Sometimes animals can change your whole outlook on your day

·      Sometimes you want to get stoned

·      Sometimes you fart…and giggle about it

·      Sometimes a walk outdoors is all you need

·      Sometimes a day without your phone is the ultimate disconnect

·      Sometimes you’ll feel like a superhero….love it

·      Sometimes you wish you had a day to yourself

·      Sometimes you make mistakes…it happens

·      Sometimes a long, hot shower is all you need

·      Sometimes old friends become acquaintances who become non-friends

·      Sometimes God doesn’t make any sense

·      Sometimes you hate your job

·      Sometimes you don’t have any clue what you want…embrace it

·      Sometimes you want that juicy, expensive steak…order it

·      Sometimes you need to take the unknown path

·      Sometimes you wonder, will there ever be racial justice?

·      Sometimes you wonder, did I get this from my mom or my dad?

·      Sometimes you wonder, is my friend truly ok

·      Sometimes a moment outside of your comfort zone can be exhilarating

·      Sometimes performing a random act of kindness can change your life

·      Sometimes kids will be kids…allow it

·      Sometimes the next move, is the best move…even if you have no idea what the move is

·      Sometimes all you need is a Netflix night

·      Sometimes you wish your life was different

·      Sometimes life is amazing…cherish it

·      Sometimes you need to apologize even though you don’t want to….do it anyway

·      Sometimes you just need a hug…ask for it

·      Sometimes you’re scared…it’s ok

·      Sometimes you just need a good cry…let it happen

·      Sometimes a divorce is the right thing

·      Sometimes you just need to hear someone’s voice instead of a text…try it

·      Sometimes life is this quirky, unexplained madness...enjoy it

 Sometimes.

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The Takeaways I Took from Watching 13 Reasons Why

I recently finished the controversial Netflix series “13 Reasons Why” and it took me on an emotional journey I did not expect. To be honest, the series hit me much harder than I ever imagined.

For those that haven’t seen the series, the premise of the show can be found here. The controversy of the show surrounds the apparent way in which the show glorifies suicide. Based on that, here are some of my takeaways from the show:

Suicide is Difficult to Understand

To this very day, I remember the phone call I received in 2005. I was in North Carolina for work and I received a call from my good friend and fraternity brother Bob. I could immediately tell in his voice something wasn’t right. I asked what was wrong and he took a long pause, sighed and said that “Pat had died.” Pat, being a fellow fraternity brother.

My heart sank and tears started to flow. You see, Pat was 20 years old. Pat was smart. Pat was boyishly nice. Pat was the guy I personally recruited to be in the fraternity. Pat, I thought, was in a good place. I was wrong.

On October 26, 2005, Pat jumped off a bridge in the middle of my college campus and took his life.

I still ask myself to this day if I could have done more to save Pat. 13 Reasons Why opened up those painful memories and made me ask myself again, “Is there more I could have done?”

Suicide is difficult to understand. I will never know why Pat decided to take his life. On the outside, from what I saw, he would have been one of the last people that I’d think was going to commit suicide. Yet, as 13 Reasons Why showcased, sometimes those are the people who are in need of the help the most. I appreciated the show taking us through Hannah’s journey and helping to understand her rationale for doing so.

Suicide is Not Painless

The most controversial part of the show is a scene that shows Hannah killing herself. In full, graphic detail. It was eye-opening and painful to watch. Various organizations and groups have come forward saying that the scene wasn’t necessary. That it was reckless. That it will trigger more teenage suicides.

I believe the scene was necessary because suicide isn’t painless. Sure, you can imagine someone committing suicide but it doesn’t have the same effect as seeing someone commit the act. Suicide is not easy for anyone, even the person who commits the act. The writer of 13 Reasons Why even opened up and explained why he didn’t shy away from the suicide scene here that I think provides further context of why he felt it was necessary.

Suicide is Not Discussed Enough

13 Reasons Why has brought up a subject no one likes to talk about or discuss and brought it to the forefront. It’s not a fun subject to discuss. It’s not an easy subject to understand. I’d even go so far as to say, if you haven’t been personally impacted by suicide in some way, it’s very difficult to feel an emotional attachment to the cause, if that makes sense.

I appreciated the show putting suicide at the forefront of the series. In my observation, as the show in some ways even made fun of, suicide isn’t discussed until a tragedy occurs. I know progress has been made as more and more mental health professionals and counselors are trained to teach warning signs but there is still work to be done.

My hope is that those mental health professionals will use the show as a training mechanism for future work. My hope is that parents will discuss the show with their kids and talk to them about their school environment. My hope is that along with suicide, bullying and rape will also be discussed in a safe environment for those that feel unhappy or unsafe. My hope is that people will not attack the show for “glorifying suicide” but rather take a step back and see that, in my opinion, the show was driving awareness towards a topic that needs to be discussed more. Nobody wants to bury a child, a friend, a family member or a fraternity brother/sister due to suicide.

Suicide Will Often Leave More Questions than Answers

In the show, Hannah left the tapes. An audio diary of what lead her to do what she felt was necessary. In real life, this won’t always be the case. For those that have experienced suicide, trying to understand “why” can take a toll on your life, your family’s life, your significant others life and the list goes on and on. Anger, rage, frustration, sadness, depression and guilt all can come into your life because of the unknown reasons for someone choosing to commit suicide.

It’s been 12 years now since Pat passed away and I still wonder, if I had just called him or texted him, would that have changed things? I think anyone who has lost someone to suicide, will always have a sense of wonder as to if they could have done something more. Just know that if your life is ever impacted by a suicide, you may never know the “why.”

When in Doubt, Seek Help

While this may seem the most obvious, I think this can be the most difficult. Getting help from a counselor or mental health specialist is an extremely personal and vulnerable decision to make. If I’m truly being honest, I think society has stereotyped it to be a negative when in fact, it should be a positive.

What I mean by that is that if you share with others that you are seeking counseling, others may see it as a “what’s wrong with you” mentality and potentially ostracize you. I think this is especially true for men because we’re supposed to be so tough and macho. Is this always the case? Of course not. Your best friends and family are going to support you in getting the help you need. I once had a boss who was very open about getting counseling and that was refreshing to hear for me. I also had a friend who told me he sees a counselor on a regular basis and said that being able to talk to someone openly and freely without fear of judgement was great.

I guess what I’m getting at is that when you are struggling to find an outlet, consider getting help. Everyone has their own way of handling things but when things get dark, get help. When happiness seems out of reach, consider talking to a mental professional. Hell, if you are lucky enough to have amazing parents or a friend, ask them to go with you. You are not alone in this world even though you may feel otherwise.

In closing, I thought 13 Reasons Why was a powerful show that showcased a difficult subject in a professional manner. While there are always areas for improvement (I wish they provided more suicide prevention numbers after each episode), I think the show got people talking (and writing) about a topic that needs to be discussed more.

What did you think?