Three Lessons Learned from the Worst Bosses I've Ever Had

Let’s face it, we’ve all had shitty bosses. If you’ve had one, I’m sure you can visualize him/her with ease and recall why they were terrible. If you haven’t had one, I’m sure you will at some point in your professional career.

For the sake of this blog entry, I’d like to focus on those of us who’ve had a shitty boss. It’s easy to trash the worst boss you’ve ever had. Whether they treated you like a 2-year-old, micro-managed you to death, stole credit for your work, didn’t trust you or down right harassed you, the list can go on and on. The last thing you want to do is remember that person. Yet, I think it’s important to do just that – remember them. Specifically, remember what they did wrong.

Too often I think people reflect on the best bosses they have had and the qualities they held. There is nothing wrong with this, but I find tremendous value in learning just as much from the worst bosses you’ve had as the best bosses you’ve had. With that said, here are three lessons I learned from the worst bosses I’ve ever had…

Lesson 1: Understand the Team Morale

I had one boss who simply could not understand team morale. Specifically, the team I was on was under a lot of stress, both professionally as well as personally, had a lot of pent up frustrations on work-related matters and was seeking clarity on a number of issues within the company.

Rather than address those issues, try to ease concerns and attempt to alleviate those frustrations, this boss decided to focus on their own work. As team morale took a nose dive, I couldn’t believe my boss was that naïve to not see what was going on. It was as if, their priorities were greater than the teams and that didn’t sit well with me.

I realize not everyone is able to empathize or pick up on visual cues from team members, but I believe if you’re in a supervisory role, it is your job to do so – or at least try. Thus, from this experience, I firmly believe in taking the time to understand your team dynamics and morale. Not only from a skill-set standpoint but also from an empathy standpoint.

How can you do that? Have 1-on-1 conversations with each team member, have weekly team meetings, have informal conversations not pertaining to work. Show your team members that you care about them and their concerns. Admit your weaknesses and ask for help. Send reaffirming emails. Go to happy hours. Reiterate the notion of work/life balance consistently. I realize some of these will work for you and some may not, but the important message is that you try. Be there for your team because at the end of the day, you need them more than they need you.

Lesson 2: Micro-thinking leads to micro-managing = Bad Managing

One boss I had simply could not get out of micro-thinking. Whether it was pertaining to client work or from a company standpoint, they could not seem to think about the bigger picture. They were so focused on minuscule matters and their own agenda, that it led to micro-managing and overall bad management.

It hurt our efforts with the client because rather than being pro-active and looking at the bigger picture of the client’s goals, we focused way too long on tactical details and matters that weren’t important.

Additionally, the micro-thinking led to micro-management which built a lack of trust within the team. As an example, the mentality became, you didn’t have to worry about doing your very best work because you knew the boss would just change it to what they wanted. Rather than the boss helping the team understand the direction they wanted, they just did the work. This led to resentment and lack of effort.

So, how can you fix that? If you’re the boss, be sure to lay out clear objectives and goals with any task that is assigned. Ensure the team clearly understands the bigger picture and let them go to work. You hired your team for a reason – they are talented and smart, so let them do the work. If changes need to be made, make sure you explain your thought process, so they can learn from their mistakes and do better on the next task. Yes, there will be times when a deadline is tight but at the end of the day, the more you help your employees become better at their craft, the more likely they are to help you in the long run.

Lesson 3: Don’t Be an Asshole

This one should be obvious but apparently, it needs to be restated. I had one boss who fired two employees on separate occasions on a Monday. A MONDAY! That means instead of letting these employees know on Friday and give them the weekend to process their next steps, they made them make the commute into work, believe they were starting a new week fresh and THEN, decide to flip their world upside down. I couldn’t believe it.

In another example, I had a boss that thought they were hot shit about everything. It was their world and we were just part of it. If there was a picture next to the definition of arrogance, this boss’s face would have been there. Were they talented? Yes. However, they refused to engage in healthy debate, often belittled employees and were just, well, an asshole. I’m sure they are still an asshole today.

So, what did I learn? In management roles, I’ve tried to remember to be grateful, patient and communicate effectively. Assholes aren’t grateful. Assholes surely aren’t patient and they often suck at communicating. I think a lot of that stems from insecurities the asshole bosses have. Put them in a position of power and there is no telling how much they will abuse that power. Thus, if you are the boss, try to be understanding. Try to uplift instead of tear down. Try to listen vs. always be the one to talk. Try to delegate vs dictate. Most of all, try to be positive vs. an asshole.

In closing, you can learn a lot from the worst bosses you’ve had in the past. I know I have. Rather than talk trash about them, identify what you can learn from what they did poorly. It will make you a better boss down the road.

How Chrissy Teigen Almost Cost Me My Job - And What I Learned From It

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One celebrity. One tweet. One mistake. Three lessons learned. This blog entry is dedicated to every Social Media Community Manager out there trying to do their job to the best of their ability. Mistakes happen, and I lived to tell the story…

Backstory:
It was February 2014 and I was the Community Manager for the brand White Castle on Twitter. White Castle is a well-known, established brand, that has a loyal fan following. Their competitors included McDonalds, Taco Bell, etc.

My job was to respond to any and all (@) mentions for White Castle, search for “White Castle” conversations for surprise and delight opportunities and engage with fans when appropriate. Additionally, utilize social listening tools to identify key influencers that I could potentially engage with as the brand.

At the time, White Castle’s tone of voice on Twitter was lighthearted and playful. Witty with a heavy sprinkle of sarcasm was the goal. Thus, engaging with fans was a lot of fun – especially when you get a celebrity interaction.

The Initial Tweet:

On this particular day, I had made it a personal goal to interact with a well-known celebrity. I’m sure every Community Manager has had the same goal at some point. Yet, the likelihood of a celebrity mentioning a brand back then was still relatively by chance. Lucky for me, Chrissy Teigen happened to be tweeting about food that day and I saw an opportunity. So, I went for it. Here was the initial tweet….

The Mistake Tweet:

SHE HAD TWEETED BACK! I was thrilled. Ecstatic! This was going to be a big win for the month and for our team. "I had to keep the conversation going" I screamed internally! In the spur of the moment, I replied back with what I thought was a good response and hit SEND. Here was the tweet…

I didn’t even think twice. I was so excited that Chrissy had responded that I didn’t realize what I had done. Then, it happened.

The Aftermath:

Taco Bell. Fuckin' Taco Bell with the grammar burn. Once Taco Bell called White Castle (aka me) out, the Retweets and Likes (favorites at the time) on their tweet went nuts. I don’t want to use the word viral because it wasn’t to that level but from my vantage point, it felt like that.

As the engagement skyrocketed with people making fun of the error I had made, I told my boss what was going on. He immediately checked the conversations that were occurring and noticed the high level of traction this was receiving. Keep in mind, Taco Bell had a very large following on Twitter at the time, so this wasn’t going to go away quietly.

To his credit, my boss didn’t panic but I could sense his anxiety level rising. We immediately brainstormed ways to try and spin this error in our favor but we struggled for a solution. Ten minutes had passed, and the conversation was only getting louder. We decided to bring in another team member to try and come up with a solution. Another ten minutes had passed, the conversation online still going.

At this point, some of you may be wondering, “Why were you so worried?” To start, this was my first real mistake with White Castle and with the level of influencers involved (i.e. Chrissy and Taco Bell), my mistake was amplified greatly. Second, if mistakes created enough noise, major advertising publications would pick it up and showcase the mistakes in articles such as “Twitter Brand Fails of the Week” etc. No one wanted to be part of that! Lastly, our internal White Castle social team had made a few large-scale mistakes in the past and I was brought on the team to help ensure those didn’t happen again. Would this mistake be the tipping point to costing us the account? Would this cost me my job?!?! Thus, we didn’t want to bring it up to the client.

After approximately 30 minutes, we came up with a plan to respond on Twitter and hopefully quiet the chatter. Here was the response…

Was it the best response? No. But, it was the best idea we could come up with at the time.

As the day went on, the conversations around the mistake continued and we realized the client needed to be notified. So, my boss and I crafted an email outlining what had happened and crossed our fingers that the client would understand. Thankfully for us, the client responded that it was an honest mistake and that they were happy with the initial effort to jump into a conversation with Chrissy. A deep sigh of relief ensued.

The Lessons Learned:

Thankfully, we didn’t lose the account and I didn’t lose my job because of my mistake. However, with any mistake, there are lessons to be learned. So, what did I learn?

Lesson 1: The Value of Social Listening

Had I not been in tune with the conversations occurring on Twitter and checking Chrissy Teigen's account, I may have missed this opportunity. I was able to see an opportunity to jump into a conversation and capitalize on Chrissy's tweet. With that said...

Lesson 2: Double check your work

People who work in social media, particularly Community Managers, work in a very fast paced environment. If you manage a large scale brand and are constantly engaging in conversations online, be sure to check your work before hitting "SEND." Especially when you are engaging with a key influencer. 

Lesson 3: Own your mistakes

There was a moment after I had made my mistake that I thought, maybe it will just go away. Maybe I wouldn't have to tell my boss. Well, thank God I did. Not only did the mistake intensify throughout the day but I also needed him and others to help come up with a solution as well as navigate the conversation with the client. In hindsight, I was happy I owned up to my mistake because had I not, it may have cost me my job.

Conclusion:

It has been over 4 years since this incident but not a day goes by that I don't remember that tweet. I use this example in interviews. I use it when I'm training new Community Managers. I use it as a reminder to move quickly but hit SEND slowly. Most of all, I use it as a reminder of the joy I have in working in social media. I can say I had an interaction with Chrissy Teigen, who is now in my opinion, Queen of Twitter. So Chrissy, if you read this, thank you for this memory. 

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Digital Friend Detox

For some of you, you have made it almost a full month into 2018 with your New Year's resolution in tact. Some of you have lost weight due to exercising. Keep it up! Some of you have continued down the path to healthier eating. Well done! Some of you have tackled that one house project you've been putting off for awhile. Get it finished! Yet, some of you gave your New Year's resolution your best shot but life happened and you didn't accomplish what you set out to do.

Regardless of your resolution and whether or not you are in the process of completing one or simply put one to the side for another year, there is one resolution that you can still do. One that I think would benefit you a great deal. One that I forced myself to do that I called it the Digital Friend Detox. 

What did the Digital Friend Detox entail? I went through all my Facebook friends, Twitter followers and people I followed on Instagram and determined whether or not I wanted to keep following them on the respective platform. 

Now I know for some of you, that may be an easy thing to do but for me, it was somewhat hard - especially on Facebook. I found myself saying, "Well they are nice" or "I have nothing against them" and I often times caught myself having a certain level of guilt before making a decision. Yet, I knew this had to be done. 

So why even do a Digital Friend Detox? For me, I spend a lot of time on social media (it is my full-time profession) and I realized that the content I wanted to see was being drowned out by either 1) crap 2) political stances or 3) memes/things I didn't care about. Furthermore, I was missing the content from people I actually wanted to see because of the junk of others. Thus, one night I said, "no more" and went through each platform and stopped following people.

 Some people were easy to un-follow such as those I haven't talked to in years and had no intention of doing so. Others were more difficult. Yet, I kept asking myself one question throughout the process - "What value do they bring to me if I keep following them?" Again, everyone will have their own process for doing this but for me, I asked myself that one question. Some people who I maybe haven't talked to in awhile but invoked a positive feeling for me I kept following. You make me laugh or smile? I probably kept you. You challenge me to think differently by what you post? I kept you. The list goes on but you get the point. 

The result? I stopped following hundreds of people on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and I couldn't be happier. I'm seeing more content from people I want to see content from and I'm not being bombarded by crap. I find myself engaging more with the content I see and less time asking, "Why am I seeing this crap?" 

I realize some people may struggle with this kind of "detox" but I promise you it will make your social media experience better. On average, most studies state that we spend approximately 2 hours a day on social media platforms. Thus, if you want to get the most of those 2 hours, I'd invite you to do a Digital Friend Detox. Nervous of hurting someone's feelings? Don't be. If they are meant to be in your life or on your Facebook News Feed, your gut will tell you to keep them. Since my Digital Friend Detox, I haven't had one person ask me why I wasn't their friend anymore. Success! 

With that said, I encourage you to do a Digital Friend Detox. Your social media platforms will feel cleansed and I truly believe it will help your mental state.   

Goodbye Florida

Ever since I was little, Florida has always been a place I wanted to live. I loved the palm trees, the beaches and of course, the warm weather. As I grew older, I decided to make it a goal to live there by a certain age. I wasn't married, I had no kids and I just said to myself, "why not?" 

I was living in Missouri at the time working in higher education and on a whim, I decided to apply for a job in Orlando. Surprisingly, they called me back, I went through the interview process and before you know it, I was offered the job. After a lot of personal reflection and leaving a woman I loved, I was off to Orlando with my 2 cats. 

8 years later, it is time for me to say goodbye to Florida. For those reading this, I know what you're thinking - "Why would you leave Florida?" Trust me, I thought about this on many endless nights but at the end of the day, I'm a big believer in fate and to put it simply, I was meant to leave at this point in my life. With that said, my time in Florida taught me a lot of life lessons that I will forever be thankful for. I wanted to share some of those lessons and maybe help those who might find themselves at a similar intersection of their lives. Those lessons were...

Follow Your Heart
As cheesy as it sounds, Florida reinforced the notion to follow your heart...always. It was during my time in Florida when I decided to do a complete career change. Talk about a big decision! Yet, I couldn't have been happier with that decision and still am to this day. 

Death
Over the course of 8 years in Florida, I lost a few family members as well as other people that had touched my life in some way. In addition, in my time in higher education, I had to deal with multiple student deaths. I had to accept the fact that death is inevitable. Sometimes it happens when we least expect it and sometimes it happens as we'd expect. Regardless, I learned a lot about how I handle grief, how I can help others grieving and most of all, I learned to cherish time spent with those I love. 

Friendships
You learn a lot about friendships over the course of 8 years. New friends will be made. Old friends will fade away but most of all, your true friends will be there no matter what. Your ride or dies if you will. In my time in the Sunshine State, I'm happy to have gained new friends that I'll keep in touch with as well as really identifying my ride or die friends.

I also spent a lot of time reflecting on what kind of friend I am. Sometimes I thought I was a great friend. Other times, I thought I'd been a shitty friend. That in itself was a journey of self-reflection. It also taught me that it's ok to let old friends go. That's life. Most of all, I really started to embrace the "quality over quantity" notion when it comes to friendship and I couldn't be more grateful. 

Core Values
Florida challenged me in ways I'd never been challenged before. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and professionally to name a few. It was through these challenges that I really had to reflect on what my core values are and what will get me through these challenges. To be honest, I'm still processing what I want my core values to be because I think they evolve over time. Sure, I have my own moral compass and principles that serve as guardrails at times of uncertainty but as I've grown older, some of my values have shifted. I think that is ok and something I have embraced with open arms. 

Love
I never understood what people meant when they'd say, "you'll just know" when it came to loving someone. Frankly, I thought that was stupid. What did that even mean?!? Well, Florida taught me what that meant. I'm grateful for that and grateful for the lessons I learned in loving someone during my time in Florida.

Struggles
Florida opened up my eyes to the struggles a lot of my friends, family and colleagues have been having or are currently facing. I learned of friends facing depression, seeking counseling, family deaths, drug problems, alcoholism, etc. Yes, we all have problems but when people close to you open up about their struggles, it really hits home. It also challenges you to figure out how you can be there as a friend, a brother, a son or co-worker. 

Family
I went through some of the toughest times in my life in Florida and no matter what, I could always rely on my family being there for me. My dad has always said, "friends will come and go but family is forever" and that couldn't have been more true. 

In addition, I think as you get older, you gain more perspective. For me, that perspective was really cherishing my time with my family. At one point, I was over 1,400 miles away from family and with 3 nephews and 1 niece now, along with seeing my parents and 3 siblings, you just want to cherish that time together. Florida taught me more than ever that life is short. Make memories. Take risks and no matter what, love your family. 

Take Risks
The last lesson I'll share that Florida taught me to embrace was to take more risks. I have really embraced the "why not" mentality. Why not go on this trip? Why not apply for this job? Why not learn this new skill? I did things in Florida I never thought I'd do and it was amazing. Most of all, I think I've learned that we only have one life to live and I don't want to look back on my life and wonder why I didn't do something. Life is short people. Do what will make you happy. Do something crazy. Do something that you will look back on and it will make you smile. 


In closing, I spent almost a a quarter of my life in Florida and I have learned a lot about myself in that time. I will miss the palm trees, the beaches and the sun but it was time for me to go. Will I live there again some day? Maybe. But for now, I'm moving on and getting over while saying to myself, "why not?" 

The 5 Most Beautiful Places I've Traveled To

I've had the great fortune of traveling all over the United States in various jobs I've held. I've been to over 35 states now and have only two left that I want to visit - Alaska and Maine.

With winter right around the corner and people starting to think about holiday vacations, I thought I'd share the five most beautiful places I've visited. They are....

Lake Tahoe, California
If you've ever been to Tahoe, you'll understand it's tranquil beauty. If you haven't, I think it's one of those places that is so beautiful, it's hard to describe in words. The water is crystal clear. The beaches are wonderful. The skiing is some of the best from what I hear. The wildlife is abundant and the views are incredible. The pic above was taken at sunset. If you go...

• Place to Stay - Tahoe Beach Retreat & Lodge
• Place to Eat - Red Hut Waffle Shop 
• Place to See - Emerald Bay 

Lanikai, O'ahu Hawaii
I've been to many beaches in my life and really didn't think a beach would be able to "wow" me until I visited Lanikai. Located in Hawaii on the island of O'ahu (aka Honolulu), this beach is breathtaking. Often ranked one of the best in the world, the water is that aqua blue color that you don't think could be real until you see it in person. The beach is pristine. The sand is fluffy and the weather is perfect. A must-see if you make to Hawaii. If you go...

• Trail to Hike - Pillbox 
• Place to Eat - Buzz's Original Steakhouse

Big Sur, California
Looking for a place to bask in the beauty of nature? Big Sur the place for you. Located about 3.5 hours south of San Francisco, Big Sur is everything I love about California. Seaside cliffs. Winding roads. Epic views of the coastline. You could spend hours stopping at various places in and around Big Sur or spend the day at one place. Either way, you can't go wrong here. If you go...

• Places to See - McWay Falls (pictured above), Pfeiffer Beach, Sand Dollar Beach
• Place to Eat - Nepenthe (views are incredible)
• Things to Know - You will NOT get cell phone service. There are NOT a lot of places to eat. Mile markings can be a little difficult to see, especially for Sand Dollar Beach
• Place to Stay - Post Ranch Inn (if you have thousands of dollars)

Carmel-by-the Sea, California
I have to thank a previous client for telling me about this place or I would have never gone. Thank god she did. Carmel-by-the-Sea is one of those places I don't know how you cannot love. Parents would love it. Kids would love it. Couples would love it and single travelers would love it. It's a small beach city with adorable cottages, shops and restaurants. I will definitely visit here again. If you go...

• Place to See - The beach, especially at sunset (pictured above)
• Place to Eat - You MUST go to Cassanova  

Miami, Florida
Having lived in Miami for 3.5 years, I can honestly say that Miami is a beautiful place to visit. To live there is another story but to visit, you really can't go wrong. First, you have the beaches. Sure you can go to South Beach but there are so many others to see, you can't go wrong. Second, the diversity. Miami is the most diverse city I've been to and lived in. Talk about all walks of life in one place! Whites, Blacks, Mexicans, Cubans, Colombians, Venezuelans - you name it, Miami has it. Next, the nightlife. Miami is known for its nightlife. You want clubs, Miami has clubs. You want dive bars, Miami has dive bars. You want everything in between, Miami has it. Did I mention restaurants? Miami has some of the best restaurants in the country. Any type of cuisine, Miami has it. Lastly, Miami has the most beautiful people I've ever seen. Yes...ever. If you are looking for eye candy, you'll find it in Miami. So, if you go...

• Place to Eat - Sazon Cuban Cuisine in North Miami Beach
• Bar to Visit - Foxhole (if you can find it)
• Places to Stay - Fontainebleau on the beach or EAST Miami if you want some city feel
• Things to Know - Miami is expensive, especially on South Beach. Dress to impress if you plan to have a night out. Keep your eye out, you never know what celebrity you could see! 

Just for fun, if I had #6 and #7 I would have picked Ka'anapali Beach in Maui, Hawaii and Sutro Baths in San Francisco. You can't go wrong with either of those spots.

I'm sure this list will change as I continue to visit new places both in the U.S. as well as when I venture out of country but for now, those are the top 5 most beautiful places I've been to.