After a seven month hiatus from the social networking site FourSquare (last check-in was registered on July 5th) I decided to log-in and check out what was new with FourSquare. To my surprise, nothing had really changed. However by simply logging into FourSquare, it triggered a new blog entry regarding brotherhood and sisterhood that I hope you will take to heart.
To start, how often do we “check-in” with our brothers and sisters? I don’t mean the quick “hi” or the “hey girl” but a genuine check-in? It seems to me that sites such as FourSquare, Facebook, and Twitter have in some ways taken away the time we spend with our brothers and sisters. When was the last time you spent more than an hour with a sister that wasn’t required or mandatory? When was the last time you talked to a brother about his life without the TV on? Has your chapter ever held a “brothers or sisters only” dinner?
I ask these questions because I believe it’s the simple things that make the fraternity and sorority experience so special. It’s those nights when you watch the Bachelor or the Super Bowl all in one room. It’s the days when you hang out with your big brother/sister and talk about life, the chapter, and the opposite (or same) sex. It’s those moments when tears are shed, not of sadness but of happiness with your line brother or sister. Those moments are created by establishing close bonds of brother and sisterhood built on the foundation of “checking-in” with one another.
The heartbreaking reality is that we are losing fraternity men and sorority women because of this lack of “checking-in.” Did you know that suicide is the second (or third depending on your source) leading cause of death among college and university students? Did you know that suicide rates in the United States are highest in the spring? Did you know that there are four male suicides for every female suicide? There are three female suicide attempts for each male attempt.
I speak from tragic experience that you can never “check-in” enough. I lost a fraternity brother to suicide. This was a brother who had a smile that could light up a room. This was the brother who from afar had his life together and no apparent issues. This was a brother, who I personally recruited to lead the chapter. In the end however, he was a brother that decided to jump off a bridge on campus for reasons that to this day are unknown.
I will never know what caused my fraternity brother to take his life but what I do know is that you can never “check-in” enough with your brothers and sisters. I know I said that already but it’s true. Sometimes we forget that outside of the fraternal walls, people have things going on in their lives that are far deeper than we could have ever imagined. Some examples can include a recent breakup, a parental divorce, the recent passing of a family member, financial stress, body image issues, not living up to expectations and fear of rejection are just a few that come to mind.
We must be willing to learn about our brothers and sisters – both the good and the bad. That way, when signs of suicide such as feelings of being “trapped,” feelings of withdrawal, purposelessness, depression, or hopelessness arise, we are able to act as brothers and sisters.
My friends, you can make a difference. The conversations you have with your brother or sister tomorrow could save a life. Most of all, if you don’t feel comfortable having a conversation with a brother or sister in need, the greatest “check-in” you can have is at your local counseling center. Let trained professionals help your brother/sister in need. According to one site, 80% of people that seek treatment for depression are treated successfully.
In the end, don’t worry about risking a friendship if you truly feel a life is in danger. It is better to lose a relationship from violating friendship “confidentiality” than it is to go to a funeral. Most of all, remember that suicide is one of the most preventable causes of death. Let’s prevent more deaths from occurring in the Greek community. I hope you will “check-in” with a brother or sister tomorrow.
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