The Takeaways I Took from Watching 13 Reasons Why

I recently finished the controversial Netflix series “13 Reasons Why” and it took me on an emotional journey I did not expect. To be honest, the series hit me much harder than I ever imagined.

For those that haven’t seen the series, the premise of the show can be found here. The controversy of the show surrounds the apparent way in which the show glorifies suicide. Based on that, here are some of my takeaways from the show:

Suicide is Difficult to Understand

To this very day, I remember the phone call I received in 2005. I was in North Carolina for work and I received a call from my good friend and fraternity brother Bob. I could immediately tell in his voice something wasn’t right. I asked what was wrong and he took a long pause, sighed and said that “Pat had died.” Pat, being a fellow fraternity brother.

My heart sank and tears started to flow. You see, Pat was 20 years old. Pat was smart. Pat was boyishly nice. Pat was the guy I personally recruited to be in the fraternity. Pat, I thought, was in a good place. I was wrong.

On October 26, 2005, Pat jumped off a bridge in the middle of my college campus and took his life.

I still ask myself to this day if I could have done more to save Pat. 13 Reasons Why opened up those painful memories and made me ask myself again, “Is there more I could have done?”

Suicide is difficult to understand. I will never know why Pat decided to take his life. On the outside, from what I saw, he would have been one of the last people that I’d think was going to commit suicide. Yet, as 13 Reasons Why showcased, sometimes those are the people who are in need of the help the most. I appreciated the show taking us through Hannah’s journey and helping to understand her rationale for doing so.

Suicide is Not Painless

The most controversial part of the show is a scene that shows Hannah killing herself. In full, graphic detail. It was eye-opening and painful to watch. Various organizations and groups have come forward saying that the scene wasn’t necessary. That it was reckless. That it will trigger more teenage suicides.

I believe the scene was necessary because suicide isn’t painless. Sure, you can imagine someone committing suicide but it doesn’t have the same effect as seeing someone commit the act. Suicide is not easy for anyone, even the person who commits the act. The writer of 13 Reasons Why even opened up and explained why he didn’t shy away from the suicide scene here that I think provides further context of why he felt it was necessary.

Suicide is Not Discussed Enough

13 Reasons Why has brought up a subject no one likes to talk about or discuss and brought it to the forefront. It’s not a fun subject to discuss. It’s not an easy subject to understand. I’d even go so far as to say, if you haven’t been personally impacted by suicide in some way, it’s very difficult to feel an emotional attachment to the cause, if that makes sense.

I appreciated the show putting suicide at the forefront of the series. In my observation, as the show in some ways even made fun of, suicide isn’t discussed until a tragedy occurs. I know progress has been made as more and more mental health professionals and counselors are trained to teach warning signs but there is still work to be done.

My hope is that those mental health professionals will use the show as a training mechanism for future work. My hope is that parents will discuss the show with their kids and talk to them about their school environment. My hope is that along with suicide, bullying and rape will also be discussed in a safe environment for those that feel unhappy or unsafe. My hope is that people will not attack the show for “glorifying suicide” but rather take a step back and see that, in my opinion, the show was driving awareness towards a topic that needs to be discussed more. Nobody wants to bury a child, a friend, a family member or a fraternity brother/sister due to suicide.

Suicide Will Often Leave More Questions than Answers

In the show, Hannah left the tapes. An audio diary of what lead her to do what she felt was necessary. In real life, this won’t always be the case. For those that have experienced suicide, trying to understand “why” can take a toll on your life, your family’s life, your significant others life and the list goes on and on. Anger, rage, frustration, sadness, depression and guilt all can come into your life because of the unknown reasons for someone choosing to commit suicide.

It’s been 12 years now since Pat passed away and I still wonder, if I had just called him or texted him, would that have changed things? I think anyone who has lost someone to suicide, will always have a sense of wonder as to if they could have done something more. Just know that if your life is ever impacted by a suicide, you may never know the “why.”

When in Doubt, Seek Help

While this may seem the most obvious, I think this can be the most difficult. Getting help from a counselor or mental health specialist is an extremely personal and vulnerable decision to make. If I’m truly being honest, I think society has stereotyped it to be a negative when in fact, it should be a positive.

What I mean by that is that if you share with others that you are seeking counseling, others may see it as a “what’s wrong with you” mentality and potentially ostracize you. I think this is especially true for men because we’re supposed to be so tough and macho. Is this always the case? Of course not. Your best friends and family are going to support you in getting the help you need. I once had a boss who was very open about getting counseling and that was refreshing to hear for me. I also had a friend who told me he sees a counselor on a regular basis and said that being able to talk to someone openly and freely without fear of judgement was great.

I guess what I’m getting at is that when you are struggling to find an outlet, consider getting help. Everyone has their own way of handling things but when things get dark, get help. When happiness seems out of reach, consider talking to a mental professional. Hell, if you are lucky enough to have amazing parents or a friend, ask them to go with you. You are not alone in this world even though you may feel otherwise.

In closing, I thought 13 Reasons Why was a powerful show that showcased a difficult subject in a professional manner. While there are always areas for improvement (I wish they provided more suicide prevention numbers after each episode), I think the show got people talking (and writing) about a topic that needs to be discussed more.

What did you think?